


sun

by moltenvintagelacedress



Series: big ideas with little exploration [4]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff, Insecurity, M/M, its a showchoir au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:22:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21613774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moltenvintagelacedress/pseuds/moltenvintagelacedress
Summary: “my dear, if you have warmth in your heart then there will definitely be a person whose heart is as warm as yours who will come into your life.“ -kim namjoon
Relationships: Moon Taeil/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Series: big ideas with little exploration [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1556848
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	sun

Taeil was the kind of vocalist people never really noticed till they were forced to.

His appearance didn’t demand attention like Taeyong’s did and he wasn’t cute like Mark or Donghyuck were, at least not enough to be praised. Truly, it was only high school showchoir--it did not matter, all of them were only attractive in the way highschool boys were. But it still hurt because looks really did mean something when it came to performing and having the crowds like them, because when it wasn’t competition season people (especially teenage girls) didn’t care if your group was talented if it didn’t look good.

So Taeil sat back with Yuta and Johnny while Jaehyun and Doyoung got their harmonies and Hyuck got his dramatic belts, performing his own background vocals without complaint because at the end of the day, without them the songs would sound like shit, but just wishing he could get the belt notes, the solos, because in all honesty all choir kids were divas and he was no exception.

It was his senior year, his third year being on varsity showchoir, and their competition season was always quite intense. As he did go to a relatively small school, if you were in varsity classical choir you were basically guaranteed a spot in varsity showchoir and vice versa; because of this, he was always singing a song, working on his vowels and making sure he had his eighth and sixteenth notes clean and concise. He spent his free periods in the choir room, belting Ariana Grande with Johnny and running choreography that he still wasn’t sure on. It was the one thing he liked about choir, beyond the politics and the insecurities--it was the routine of it, the feeling of stress and rush of adrenaline after dancing.

It was December, and in conjunction with their competition pieces they were speed-teaching the new freshmen and sophomores the pieces they always did for their holiday concert, something Taeil should have been used to at this point but in spite of that irritated him just as much as it did the year before. He worked tirelessly to get the cut-offs in Rudolph correct and the German of Silent Night actually  _ accurate _ , so much so that he let said freshmen and sophomores come in during his eighth-period study hall to work more on it.

Johnny and Taeyong would join him on occasion, either to help with the ones that were struggling more with the others or to take over entirely, and Taeil was always grateful simply because he did get stressed out and it wasn’t like he was doing all of this extra work out of the goodness of his heart. While he loved working with the underclassmen, namely Jisung and Chenle, he did hope it was taken notice of because, like most people in choir, he hoped it was used to prove he deserved a solo.

It was coming up on the week before break, their performance being the Thursday they got out on early release and Taeil could feel something in the air, a sense of muted urgency or whispered anticipation brewing. It wasn’t because of the break, at least not for the choir kids; their director announced the solo parts the last day before break, expecting them to work on it by themselves over the next three weeks. It was almost a test of sorts, to see if you knew how to figure out rhythms and pitches by yourself and that you would  _ actually _ work. This is why seniors usually got the solos--they weren’t easy and were a way to prove your ability not only as a performer or vocalist but as a musician, an artist.

Taeyong and Mark were by far the best at music theory in choir as a whole, both having been in music since piano teachers would accept them for lessons and understanding the intricacies almost without effort. Of course it was hard, because music theory fucking sucked, and they did get messed up, but they were so far beyond what they were learning even in the high-intensity of showchoir.

And because of this, Taeil didn’t know how to act when he got the lead male solo.

They were crowded in the choir room after their performance, their director sending out an email to their third period teachers that all of them would be late, and everyone was grabbing styrofoam cups of hot chocolate and cider, elbowing people to get to the brownies first, hurrying to the now-empty makeshift stage in the room. The risers had been moved to the auditorium for the performance, for once their director let them leave them there for the time being, and so everyone was hugging and cuddling, laughing and mockingly singing  _ All I Want for Christmas _ .

As everyone settled and dropped to the floor, waiting for the announcement, Taeil couldn't help but look around at everyone. Despite it all, the feelings of insecurity and unfulfillment, he loved everyone in this room. From Taeyong and how he helped Taeil when he was overworked with the underclassmen, to Doyoung and his excellent technique and even Hyuck, the fact he didn't take it quite as seriously as everyone else but still obviously cared.

Johnny was sat next to him, and Taeil grabbed his hand without saying anything. Above all, he appreciated Johnny beyond what words could describe; with every adjective, there were two more synonyms and three more antonyms that described Johnny and eventually, he stopped trying to write love songs about him. He never did stop marveling, though. Taeil knew there was selfishness in wanting the solo for himself, but Johnny never took any offense to it. In the choir, there was a silent understanding that everyone wanted the best for each other, but that it was every man for himself. And so whatever happened with the solos, it didn’t matter; Johnny and Taeil would continue singing and loving and they would continue on living.

When their director got up from her desk everyone quieted, minus Donghyuck and the underclassmen he was entertaining in the far corner, and he had papers in his hands. They were Microsoft Office certificates she made more or less to simply make it more dramatic, more of an achievement. She started with the female solo; there were far more girls in the choir, and they were more obviously competitive in it. Taeil watched as Sana and Momo held each other's hand, similar to what Johnny and Taeil were doing; Seulgi was watching attentively but Taeil watched as she scratched the inside of her palm.

He then watched as all three of their faces fell when the director called out Jihyo’s name. She was a sophomore and incredibly talented and, in Taeil’s opinion, undervalued in the choir. He was glad she got the opportunity, but felt the disappointment Seulgi and Wendy were feeling right now. They were the two of the girls graduating this year and, amongst the upperclassmen in choir, they were all sharing a need to prove themselves this last year. Again, in truth it  _ was _ just highschool, but isn't highschool what determines the rest of their life? And they simply didn't know what to do and what it meant if they had never gotten the opportunity.

When Jihyo had gone up and gotten the certificate and the applause had settled, all the guys got closer together; Taeyong and Yuta settling closer to Taeil and Johnny, all of them moving into a circle of shared tension. Taeil shared a smile with Taeyong, having already resigned himself to the fact that he was probably getting the solo.

When he heard his name, it was like he wasn't Moon Taeil for a moment. It was like as soon as he heard those three syllables, he took on a new identity, because his brain could not  _ fathom _ himself actually getting it.

"Taeil!" Johnny had to shake him back into his body, had to squeeze his hand a couple times before a smile took over his face and he looked over and saw-- a family. A dysfunctional, dramatic family with far too much competitive energy but so much vibrant  _ love _ . Yuta and Taeyong gave him a fist bump as he went up to grab the certificate, his director giving him a long hug, even after the applause died down. They shared words of gratitude and Taeil felt more than.

More than himself, more than a fucking highschool show choir student. He felt--warm. Like he was suddenly bathing in, not fire, but pure radiant sunlight; when he hugged Johnny, he could almost feel it breaking, that insistent, omnipresent insecurity that haunts you.

But he knew it wouldn't go; it would never completely go. And so Taeil relished in the warmness as they finished their drinks and Johnny held him close. Despite it all, he felt  _ secure _ , and even if only for a moment, he wondered if that's the most he should ever ask for.

**Author's Note:**

> love choir + showchoir aus but NOBODY writes them. perhaps ill write more with that highschool au i mentioned. Perhaps.  
> 


End file.
